Tuesday, January 11, 2011


I decided upon graduating to take a year off of school.

That year is up.

Now what?

Man, a BA in Literature gets you nothing.

Anybody have any ideas on how to become an editor?

Anybody have any advice on getting really awesome recommendation letters for gradschool?

Anybody know if you can put a key back on a keyboard when even the little squishy doohickey underneath is gone? My quotation mark key popped off...more than a year ago and I'm sick of it. I managed to write a thesis without it, too.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

In Which a Hobby Reinforces Harmful Gender Policing

I love it when blogs I would categorize as "fun" cover topics I call "serious." So imagine my delight upon finding The Studioist, and this post:

As the Guiness scientists would say, BRILLIANT!

The comments continue the goodness, with such snippets as:

"When I commented that “I think this personal space arms race is often a sign of culturally-reinforced familial dysfunction”, what I meant is that there are strong cultural narratives about how families should work that undermine families."

"...the “caveman” image insults everyone–it suggests that in the home or family sphere, men are incompetent, monosyllabic oafs, leaving women to be the Responsible Caretaker 24/7."

"I also found it strange that they call it a mom cave. As if women in general can’t have a place to themselves, unless they are a mom."

Saturday, January 8, 2011


When I find blog posts that are a bit too not-current to comment on, I try and remember to write here. And as I am in the middle of a snow day, I have time and energy!

Hoo boy, would I have liked a mom like that. I pretty much literally got all my useful sex ed from Scarleteen. My schools hadn't quite regressed to abstinence-only when I went through, but they were getting there and the classroom environment was never one to encourage honest questions and answers. I went to a conservative Baptist church in which "February" meant "no sex month" to my (genuinely beloved) youth pastor. My mom never even attempted "the talk" with me. If I planned to ever be a parent, I would want to be a parent who could talk to her children like that. Maybe I'll get a niece or two I can mentor a little instead.

So, that brings me around to the quibble I have with this post--or rather, the comments: Anonymous at 10:44 says that:

I think your approach to your daughter's situation is a positive one. I do, however, disagree with the therapist who told you that your daughter is the only one who knows when she's ready to have sex. In my opinion, the very first criteria for being, "ready," to have sex is whether you're ready for the possibility of pregnancy. I know, for a fact, my 17 year old daughter is NOT ready for that. Could she handle it, if she had to? Sure. Maybe. Probably. Is she ready? No way in hell. Emotionally, yes, she has the final say in whether her relationship has reached the point where intercourse feels appropriate. But emotions aren't the end-all-be-all of being, "ready," for sex. Been there. Done that.

This statement is...limiting. I'm a college graduate in my mid-twenties, living on my own, on the marriage track with my wonderful long-term boyfriend. Am I "ready for the possibility of pregnancy"? NO, NO I AM NOT. I don't want to be a parent. I don't want to have a baby. I don't want to get pregnant. I don't want to have an abortion. I don't think I'll ever be ready for a pregnancy--pregnancy would be, for me, an utterly lose-lose situation. If it happened, I would FLIP THE FUCK OUT.

Does this mean I am forever barred from having sex?

This also puts a lot of weight on the female end of a male-female relationship, AND ignores same-sex relationships. Would this anony be comfortable with her daughter having sex with another girl? Or is the "pregnancy" litmus test a way for her to avoid the issue of her baby girl wanting to have sex?

Sunday, January 2, 2011


A number of blogs I read are written by women who are pregnant. Most of these are my cotton-candy blogs, that talk about clothes and jewelry and interior design and have pictures of cats. So I guess I shouldn't have particularly high expectations about this kind of thing, even when said bloggers are open about considering themselves kind of liberal, and mostly it's just a mistaken misuse of the word--

But I hate it when they refer to a fetus's "gender."

I mean, the kid is still a cashew-shaped blob with a tail, floating about in your amniotic fluid, and you're already talking about how it will conform to societal pressures and expectations about its appearance and behavior.

You mean your baby's sex, people. SEX.