Saturday, January 8, 2011


When I find blog posts that are a bit too not-current to comment on, I try and remember to write here. And as I am in the middle of a snow day, I have time and energy!

Hoo boy, would I have liked a mom like that. I pretty much literally got all my useful sex ed from Scarleteen. My schools hadn't quite regressed to abstinence-only when I went through, but they were getting there and the classroom environment was never one to encourage honest questions and answers. I went to a conservative Baptist church in which "February" meant "no sex month" to my (genuinely beloved) youth pastor. My mom never even attempted "the talk" with me. If I planned to ever be a parent, I would want to be a parent who could talk to her children like that. Maybe I'll get a niece or two I can mentor a little instead.

So, that brings me around to the quibble I have with this post--or rather, the comments: Anonymous at 10:44 says that:

I think your approach to your daughter's situation is a positive one. I do, however, disagree with the therapist who told you that your daughter is the only one who knows when she's ready to have sex. In my opinion, the very first criteria for being, "ready," to have sex is whether you're ready for the possibility of pregnancy. I know, for a fact, my 17 year old daughter is NOT ready for that. Could she handle it, if she had to? Sure. Maybe. Probably. Is she ready? No way in hell. Emotionally, yes, she has the final say in whether her relationship has reached the point where intercourse feels appropriate. But emotions aren't the end-all-be-all of being, "ready," for sex. Been there. Done that.

This statement is...limiting. I'm a college graduate in my mid-twenties, living on my own, on the marriage track with my wonderful long-term boyfriend. Am I "ready for the possibility of pregnancy"? NO, NO I AM NOT. I don't want to be a parent. I don't want to have a baby. I don't want to get pregnant. I don't want to have an abortion. I don't think I'll ever be ready for a pregnancy--pregnancy would be, for me, an utterly lose-lose situation. If it happened, I would FLIP THE FUCK OUT.

Does this mean I am forever barred from having sex?

This also puts a lot of weight on the female end of a male-female relationship, AND ignores same-sex relationships. Would this anony be comfortable with her daughter having sex with another girl? Or is the "pregnancy" litmus test a way for her to avoid the issue of her baby girl wanting to have sex?

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