Angst

All last night I dreamed about weddings. White dresses galore (and other colors--my dreams can be noncomformational), and vows of eternal devotion. Some of the many of me getting married were happy; some weren't.

According to an (admittedly small) amount of research I've done online, dreaming about a wedding can symbolize a number of different things, among them:

a) The desire to get married.
b) a transitional period in my life, specifically in my relationships.
c) a need to integrate different parts of my life.

The shiny newness of my relationship with Beowulf is beginning to wear off, sadly enough--we've been "official" for nearly two months--and problems begin to set in. Puritanical guilt over our physical involvement, his anxiety disorder and accompanying paranoia that something is wrong, and my own wanderlust conspire against us.

He and the better part of my friends here are on a hiking trip today, one I skipped out on in order to stay in bed, dreaming of weddings and worrying. Is the idea that some day we may love each other enough to hold us together?

I'll Think You Properly

...the next time I see you. Thus typos Vanilla the Theatre Boy.

This is a Random Post.

C.S. Lewis wrote in the nineteen thirties that the notion of romantic love was invented by Medieval troubadors. Interesting enough, this was long before he met his great love, Joy Gersham.

Courtly love was silly.

The Song of Solomon was less silly, though I'm not sure how I would feel about having my breasts compared to baby deer. Not to mention the whole teeth-as-sheep image; I mean, I get the whole snowy-white thing, but sheep are kind of...wooly. When my teeth feel fuzzy, it means I need to brush them.

I want to have WildRampantSex (tm) with Beowulf. But he is several hours away, and tired from the even longer drive from M.O.U.S. land, and we're good Xian kids who know better. But still. A girl has needs. Silly vows of abstinence.

I still haven't really started that dang essay--it's a five-pager--so I'm going to be up for a while. With no caffeine. God help me.

I think I will add a blogroll to this thing. Hm.

Beowulf is online and telling me how much he wants to fuck me, so...

Lazy Lima Bean

I've been on Spring Break for the past week. My plans for a Crazy Girls beach trip fell through (none of the crazy girls' schedules match enough) so I've been sitting around at home, eating a ton of peanut butter and watching TV, two things I don't get to do often while off away at school. And, of course, not doing any homework whatsoever. I'm going to be totally swamped when I get back.

Beowulf and some others, including Rapunzel, Thyme, and The Muffin, are off on a mission trip on the Gulf Coast, fighting off Mosquitoes Of Unusual Size while repairing Katrina-ravaged houses and generally getting no sleep at all. Poor Wulfy is ready to come home to his Seraph's loving arms--not to mention his own cushy bed. The boy has one of the softer dorm bed's I've ever lain in. I'm jealous.

I am about to start working on an essay about Courtly Love, which I will post here. Interesting stuff--and a vehicle through which to write about the feminism I rather intended this blog to cover more. Hm.